Backseat Love

March 30, 2007

Stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like. It’s true of the fall lines and it’s true of relationships.

I’m becoming way to cynical for my age. A worrying trend for gay boys these days. And perhaps it’s a mixture of my generation (who knows where that starts and stops) always wanting more, believing in the dream. Believing in the unbelievable. Many a time has Sierra and I sat and contemplated life and relationships, so much so to the point of confusion, that I am coming to a point where it’s perhaps easier to renege all faith and let nature take its course. In a way that perhaps allows everyone to lead life without expectation. Well, I guess in relationships that’s okay. In terms of career and personal goals, logically it’s better to have a target.

Maybe it’s time relationships took a backseat in our lives. And we focused on the goals and targets of our lives that won’t fuck us up emotionally, and won’t rouse the crushing cynicism that comes with every busy tone, with every message not returned, with every mind-fucking blog entry that rips us to shreds on the inside. Because every time we put a failing relationship at the forefront of our lives, more and more I realise, that it’s not only the failing relationship between me and the significant other, but also (as gay as this may sound) the failing relationship between my life and my spirit.

Sebastian.